5 Star Mavericks

November 2011

Great teams don't lose twice and today saw the Mavericks reinstated as one of the best in the business, sticking 5 past Southwark College at their spiritual home the Estadio Da Luz. 

Not many come away from The Estadio with anything to show for the troubles and today was no different.
For the ill-educated out there the Mavericks are recognized as one of the most feared teams in world football and can be directly linked to multi million business and promotion of individuals.  The fact that they are capable of scoring 5 without their recognized goal machine "Mad Mango" will certainly strike fear into the rest of the league. Mango is a great example of the power of the Mavs, currently

Mango is three quarters of the way through a tour with his new band "Short Sentence" after he left the Pizza Men earlier in the year.  After his new album went double deep pan platinum it was obvious he needed to take his new band on the road, he is expected back in a couple of weeks but there are rumors that further dates could be added to the tour.  Songs such as "Release me", "My day will come", "Get me out of here" and "REF, he tried to break my leg" are reasons why crowds are going wild.

Mango is not the only beneficiary of their association with the Mavericks brand, new recruit Tamwar Halaaaaaaal Bilaaaaaaaal has resurrected his career after having his contract terminated at local club "STD".  The big gangly tree has performed well in the last two games and has been promoted within the Mavericks brand, the results are immediate and local businesses all over the country are desperate to attach themselves to the Centre back.  The Blog has already received photographic evidence of the interest shown.

 

 

 

Halal Bilal can expect to make millions from the pay day although Mavericks hierarchy will be keen that it doesn't go to his head, some fans have already taken their love of the player to new heights tattooing his trademark chest 'hair wings' onto their bodies out of respect.

 

Concerns have already been raised about the form of the French Congolese machine known simply as 'Cedric'. He has been linked with many products although his main sponsors (see below) are disappointed as he currently cant hit a cows arse with a banjo.

 

In particular the Somalian corporation who brought Ryan 'Palm Tree' Palmer to the Mavericks are keen that he improves before the lucrative summer tour to Ethiopia, Palm tree was missing todays game due to International duty earlier this week (see below, Palm tree front row far right, redboots) and a pre arranged secret pirate mission. Hopefully he will return soon!



Anyway on to the game. The Mavericks in all truth failed to punish Southwark in front of goal and the 5-0 flattered them, it could easily have been double figures had the Mavs front line (Black attack) remembered to bring their feet and legs with them to the game.

 

Thankfully Isaac managed to bag two, Haaaaaaaaal Bilaaaaaaaal scored his first Maverick goal, Ellick and an OG finally got the goal scoring off and running for the season.  Disappointingly Mavericks Management had to discipline Hall of Famer Rutherford for a blatant refusal to follow instruction.  Rutherford was instructed to play at left back although was rarely seen there, due to the 11 man selection policy this season Rutherford could not be substituted instead the management took an unusual step of communicating with the player.

 

On the upside Mavericks Legend Hollywood (see below)

 

will be away this weekend working on the development of the  Mavs Dutch cheerleading squad assigned to the Mavericks at their next game.

 
Mango is coming back, the Somalians are happy, the Mavs score 5 and the world is once more a good place.
Go the Mavs!

Poor Mavericks Lose In Some Bad Ends!

November 2011

Great teams apparently never lose twice in row, well the once greatest team on earth are currently on a run of form which means that one more loss with create some doubt in their championship credentials.  It also means that heads are going to roll!

The Mavericks drew in their previous outing playing their part in a dull encounter where the highlight of the day was watching Cedric (French Congolese) attempt to see over his steering wheel and negotiate the bear enclosure at the zoo.

 
Well on to todays game, The Mavs were disappointed to arrive at the ground to find that there were no goal nets it looked as if that nothing could be done until Somalian international Palm Tree put a call in.  Thankfully Abdullha & Mustafa Palm Trees twin brothers had just returned from a fishing trip and donated two of their customized Somalian nets. (see below)

 

This was one of the last positive things to come out of the day.  Palm Tree himself was returning to the starting lineup due to an illness to midfield enforcer Kieron McCabe who was struggling with a tooth related problem (see below)



It was obvious that the day was going to be a bad one when new recruit Tamwar suggested that the soon returning Maverick Legend Mad Mango would not automatically come back in to the team, an immediate meeting was called and Tamwar was told to shut up and return to the back of the bus.  Mango is expected to return to action later this month after his latest contract with a well known sweet company expired (see below)

 

The game itself was a disappointment and although the Mavs took the lead through Ben Young (Judas) Crossways managed to score two in reply with the first a fluke cross come shot which flew past DC in goal (below).  DC pulled off a number of saves before they finally got the decisive winner.



An immediate crisis meeting has been called of all hall of fame members and a representation from the Somalian investors currently looking to take over the club, it is clear that this cannot continue.  "Chsety Rutherford" had earlier refused to travel home with some of the members of the team due to the disrespect shown to Mango earlier in the day. Watch this space.......
Go the Mavs

Missing Mango & The Troubled Fam!

October 2011

A wise man once said that “All great things must eventually come to end” and although the Mavericks are not one of these it is true that the Red Bull supply has now run dry and the talisman of the world’s greatest team was today missing for the first time ever.  Umang Patel (Mad Mango-Romeo Dev) sadly found himself beginning a 3 month modeling assignment and the score line of 3-1 was surely testament to the level that the Mavericks are currently missing their miniature marksman.  

  

Romeo was not the only missing player, sadly Ryan “Palm Tree” Palmer was forced out of the squad just before kick off after the revelations that his Somalian passport is indeed a fake, The Mavericks were disturbed to understand that he is in actual fact of West Indian origin therefore preventing him from playing from the Mavs. 

Palm Tree understands the importance of the Mavericks fielding at least 6 African players (3 of which must speak French) and his registration photograph has now been confirmed as a fake (See below)….League officials are currently looking into the accusations and will make a decision on his availability in due course.

 

Although missing some regular faces the Mavericks have found some new recruits who thankfully have no regard for formation or tactics.  Tamwar “Halal” Bilal (Pictured below) showed glimpses of disregard, charging forward whenever possible to create the new formation of 1-9.

 

And so to the game! Even with 6 new faces in the Mavericks lineup the basic principles remained the same, pass the ball until we get bored and then give it away, win it back make 10 passes, go nowhere and give it away again.  We mastered this until a moment of magic from one time hall of famer Luke Rutherford burst down the wing miss-hit a cross which rebounded into the face of ‘angry’ Isaac, 1-0 Mavs.  Sadly Rutherford was replaced soon after when one of his silicone chest implants burst causing him to be lop sided and ultimately lose balance; he removed himself from the field coincidentally as the two current love interests of the skipper arrived.

Hollywood then requested a move to his unfamiliar position of right back to ensure that no further advances were made to Bibi & Mimi, Rutherford was at one point overheard asking BIbi if she wanted to rub Vicks on his colossal and sore chest!

Before the half was out Mavericks action man look-a-like Kieron McCAbe (See below) smashed a shot goal bound which should not have troubled any goalkeeper with 2 hands! Sadly Reading didn’t consider this a necessity, instead bringing a man with neither hands nor arms……..2-0 Mavs

 

READING KEEPER AFTER THE GAME

 

KIERON McCABE TODAY

The second half brought a goal for the opposition which in truth rattled the Mavs and it wasn’t until The action man slotted another goal past the ‘man with no arms’ that the Mavericks were out of sight.  Although the performance was lack lustre it was the skippers ability to track the explosive running of the Reading winger towards the end of the game that summed up the desire of the team, not at their best but still determined to work hard.

 

SKIPPER HOLLYWOOD  IN ACTION

Sadly the game saw an unsavory incident when 2 of the 3 founder members of ’Black Attack’  (Isaac & Ashley) fell out just before the end of the game.  Cedric (FRENCH GHANAIAN) had to be comforted by Isaac (Pictured below) in order overcome the upset.  Ashley tried to make piece but in truth there was little effort by Isaac to build bridges, it is believed that Ashley will be suspended for 1 match by the Mavericks hierarchy due to the fact that he upset CEDRIC who has already been tipped to become a future Mavericks H of F! 

A Mavs statement was released earlier this evening which read:
“Under no circumstances will we tolerate the upset or lack of respect shown towards any French speaking African players registered to the Mavericks!, hopefully this will clarify the situation”

 

On a positive note Matt Read was voted man of the match by the spectators for his match winning saves and general sound play, however Cedric was presented with the bubbly to ensure he plays next week……

Mavericks 3 – Reading 1

GO THE MAVS!

'Mango' Doubt For Semi Final Showdown!

March 2011

The Mavericks are reeling after the news that their inspirational play maker Mango Patel may be missing from the semi final clash scheduled at Kingston University on Wednesday.  Mango (also known as the delivery man) has been recruited for the latter stages of the  Miniature Cricket world Cup currently being played in the sub continent.  We are waiting for conformation from the authorities to see if the star will return in time for the game, Mango is currently training and is unavailable for comment.

Go the Mavs!

Marvellous Mavs March On

March 2011

The Mavericks played hosts to New Bucks University today in the quarter final of the Champions League at Princes Park.  The fixture had been moved from the 'Mavs' home the Estadio Da Luz because of suspected violence, rival gangs are unhappy that the Mavericks have such a strong link to Dominoes lead driver 'Mad Mango'.  It was believed that the Pizza Hut Posse and the Deap Pan Pirates were due to converge before kick off to resolve a feud which has rumbled for well over a year now.  In fact it has become so bad that Mango has had to revamp his car in order to keep a lower profile, removing all Dominoes branding.  (See below)

  

Remarkably no one informed skipper Hollywood that the game had switched venues and as a result the Mavs had to play Hollywood wide right at the Estadio Da Luz while the rest of the team played at Princes Park.  What was even more remarkable was that the skipper opened the scoring swerving a long ranger from at least two miles away leaving the hapless keeper stranded.  Hollywood rejoined his teammates in the second half in a bid to help the 'Mavs' improve on the 1-1 scoreline.

The scoreline did improve largely due to the outstanding performance of the attacking midfield, the returning Palmer (pictured below) showed glimpses of magic to pull strings at will and the Mavs worked well smashing 8 past their opponents

  

The Mavericks didn't have it all their own way and conceded three in the second half as they returned to all out out attack.  Keeper Smith a late replacement for Ibrahim who was ruled out with an allergic reaction, in truth many believe he has an allergic reaction to coming to college as he has been invisible for some time!

The 'Mavs' were grateful for some unusual goal scorers today with Perri Gallacher and Luke Rutherford making their way on to the score sheet for the first time this season.

Gallacher is pictured celebrating (below) although Rutherford picked up a needless yellow card for removing his shirt during the celebrations! 

   

    

Remaining goals came from Ben Young (2), Ashley Ward (2) and Steve Earle to complete the win which sees the 'Mavs' ease in to the Semi Finals.  Much celebrating was evident in the changing room afterwards and even Mad Mango did manage to relax after the earlier worries of the day with a cold drink.

    

In actual fact by the time the team returned to the team hotel Mango had managed to fully relax and enjoy another fabulous win for the worlds greatest team, he provided his teamates with a sneak preview of some of his new material.

 
Go the Mavs!

The Mavericks blow the storm out the cup

Febuary 2011

To play the Mavericks on an average day is difficult enough, unfortunately, every now and then the master class is too much for even the most well equipped side.  The Mavericks had to do with the out the services of keeper Ibrahim as he had a prior engagement with his PART TIME employer 'Slow Futures' a trading name of 'No futures' as well as this the potential Hall of Famer  Luke Rutherford was bike riding somewhere in the woods.  Rutherford has been captured enjoying himself on game day, infuriating team members who have called for him to be axed from the side.

(Rutherford today)

 

Anyway on to the game, The Mavs changed their forward line formation to go with the old school big man-small man pairing to add some spice, in the process they handed Michael Sandmann his debut.  In truth 'Quicksand' (named after his legendary turn of pace) has been a constant pest to Mavericks hierarchy in his desire to win his first cap, he looked delighted in the pre match photos with his strike partner 'Mad Mango'

  

The new partnership contributed 7 goals in the game and proved a constant threat, midfield 'Baby Maker' JH was the provider on many occasions and waddled on to the score sheet as the Mavericks rattled 8 past the storm to move into the next round. 

It could have been worse for the Storm but some wayward shooting, great saves and the woodwork stopped the Mavs from hitting double figures.  Ben Young is a serious doubt for the next fixture after showing his frustration at being withdrawn from the team just after half time,  he refused to leave the showers after the game in a show of protest.

  

The Mavs headed to the bar to enjoy the hospitality on offer and look at some really tall women, the skipper took it upon himself to introduce himself and his team.

Go the Mavs!

 

The Mavs March on

Febuary 2011

The Mavericks have been robbed of the league title by the Central Bedfordshire Bobcats sparking outrage and high emotion at the Estadion Da Luz.  The large fan base that the Mavericks have was out in force to show support for their team (see below) which embarked on the road to Wembley last Wednesday.

The Mavs were determined to bounce back against Barking College and boldly chose to use their familiar 'no position' style of football. 

This means that all 10 outfield players can play wherever they want with no responsibility for marking, running back to defend or tackling.  At one point the Mavericks played the unusual formation of 4 at the back, no midfield with 6 up front....

The usually reliable Horlock and Young abandoned the center circle like to Polish builders looking for work in England, and were never seen again! The first half began with a bang and The Mavs raced in to a 3-0 lead courtesy of a Steve Earle Header which he celebrated with skipper Hollywood (pictured below)

Goals from the skipper and JH saw the game over as a contest even though troubled goalkeeper Ibrahim fumbled twice to give the opposition a sniff, two second half goals saw the Mavs to a comfortable 5-2 win and into the next round.  Of greater concern is the fitness of Mavericks legend 'Mutated Mad Mango' who picked up a calf injury on the way to the game, it is thought to have occurred because of his cramped transport arrangements (see below)

 

Many of Mangos teammates were concerned about his decision to 'Bulk Up' in recent weeks feeling it will slow the speedster down, many are laying the blame at the door of Former Russian power lifter Graham Webbavich who has taken Mango under his wing.  Perhaps the greatest concern is that Maverick players are now constantly being used for promotional work outside of the game, Mango himself was seen posing for his new sponsors (Arab muscle) outside the ground on Wednesday having ruled himself out of the game. (See picture). As you can see the development in Mangos physique is alarming in only 2 hours....

 

Mango is not the only one taking his eye of the ball, Ben Young has just signed a 6 figure sum with Clinton Cards to promote their goods, early images have already been leaked to the press. 

Mangos popularity has grown away from the game in recent time due to his outstanding performances and goal scoring feats, this was evident in the support he has received since one of his shoes was stolen at Princes Park. 

It is thought that team mate Ibrahim was the culprit, driven out of jealously for Mangos recent shoe sponsorship.  Either way the protest held at the Pizza Mens weekend concert in support for the lead singer was an emotional affair. (see below)

 

Mango even had to arrive in a specially manufactured bullet proof Dominoes motorbike and sidecar, which has been designed for deliveries in Thamesmead.

Hopefully the great man will be back in action for the next fixture to help the Mavericks to move one step closer to cup success.

Go the Mavs!

Mango furious at league failure

Mavericks legend "Mutated Mad Mango" has hit the gym to ensure that the Mavericks get over the League set back in a quest for cup glory. 

The ugly side of football

January 12th 2011

There are only two certainties in life, one is that we will all die and the other is that the Mavericks will only have 10 players on the day of the game!  Today was no different as the "Dream Team" met up shocked by the news that long time team member Luke Rutherford was unavailable.  Rumor had it that Rutherford had a pre arranged work commitment although suspicions were raised by the returning Joe Horlock, a man known for the odd excuse and cover up story himself in recent weeks! 

Unknown to Rutherford team mate Horlock has been tracking his every move for the last few days and arrived with evidence that there was indeed a dirty secret to be told.  The truth is that Rutherford has broken team rules and has been seen out with a female companion in the last few days, Rutherford is not the first to break the Mavs 'no girlfriend policy' this season, In October Ben Young was found in position of a large toy bear, when questioned he tried in vain to convince his team mates that it was for his own personal consumption.  It was not believable then and sadly not now either, Rutherford is now in the same position, Even if Luke wanted to plead his innocence JH has put pay to that by turning up with photographic evidence of the fallen Maverick Icon.

Luke Rutherford & Sophie caught on camera yesterday!

 

Even Mango Patel said that he was disgusted at the betrayal and would immediately be removing Rutherford from his his friends and Family discount account held at Dominoes (Plumstead branch only, available on Wednesdays).  Even long term friend Hollywood limited his Cougar searching at the Mavericks office because he felt sick at the thought, he was only seen in there 4-5 times throughout the day.....By the time the Mavericks hit the road there was obvious tension within the camp.  Hollywood was dealt a further blow when new recruit Quadzilla unleashed a pair of thighs that the skipper could only dream of! luckily he was able to put the disappointment behind him and took his place in the absent Rutherfords position.......

The 3-0 scorline saw the Mavericks score there first penalty of the year when Ben Young tucked home from 12 yards and celebrated in unusual fashion (see below)

 

His second saw him slot home home a long punt forward from Deren with a neat side foot finish. The game was wrapped up late in the second half when Mango scored his 100th goal of the season which saw him skid, wheel spin and slide the ball in to the roof of the net.

We await the rest of the results to see if the Mavericks can claim their second consecutive league title, only time will tell if Rutherford can reclaim the support of his teamates and Ben can move away from his teddy bear fetish.

Go the Mavs!

Roids, Rage and Red Bull

8th December 2010

The Mavericks hit the road in pursuit of another 3 points in their penultimate game of the season at the NESCOT Cowboys semi-derelict ground.    As preparation goes the Mav's continued with their traditional last minute scramble for players, this time in search for a goalkeeper.  Luckily enough the services of veteran gloveman Dan Cotton were called upon and as suspected he slipped into the Mavericks way of life with ease, eyebrows were raised however when he insisted on an individual warm up leaving his teammates with an untended net to smash balls at.

Thankfully DC wasn't called on during a first half which saw the Mavs race in to a 4-0 lead when Ashley Ward, Mighty Mango and skipper Hollywood (2) put the game to bed.  The main talking points were kept for the second half when professional child management expert Ben Young was called in to provide some clarity of mind when angry youngster Patel dropped his dummy and exploded in to his customary rage. 

At one point Luke Rutherford had to step in to ensure that Mango didn't get to use his pizza slicer which was concealed in his left shin pad after conceding a penalty. Three more goals in the second half from Mango and wayward striker Palmer (2) took the tally to 7 and meant that the two goals scored by the cowboys were insufficient to challenge.

Mango was pictured before and during the game which captured the ferocity of his mood change (see below)
Go the Mavs!


  

Two Goals, Serious Injury & Hyporthermia

December 2010

It was a day of firsts today as the Mavericks took on the Dartford Academy at Princes Park.  The Mavs gave a first appearance to Deren Ibrahim after his loan spell at Super Club "The Maltese Magpies" was terminated due to a Goal keeping crisis at the Estadio Da Luz. The Mavericks had been forced in previous week to play monkey rush but slippery winger Umang Patel said that he could no longer afford to damage his wrists or hands in the game as it would jeopardies his breaking and accelerating capabilities on his his new Yamaha delivery bike.  Dominoes had threatened to withdraw the financial support for the Pizza Men's  forth coming live performances if lead singer Patel was unable to perform on the sell out 'Re-Heat me in the Morning Tour' (tickets are still available at all good Dominoes restaurants)

Ibrahim was naturally delighted to finally have been picked for the Mavs after long time Captain Hollywood rubber stamped his immigration paperwork, sadly, that delight was short lived when Ibrahim blazed a penalty kick over the bar in the first half, clearing the stadium and landing in the face of a resident in Dartford.  It was only the quick witted Patel who stepped in to administer cold Pepperoni slices from the cool box located on the back of his Yamaha that saved a potentially life threatening injury from developing.

The first half only resumed when Mango took his place back on the wing and saw out a largely uneventful first half for the Mavs who, in truth, were still trying to digest the large turkey dinners consumed over the festive period.  It was suggested that skipper Hollywood had indeed been stuffing numerous large birds over Christmas although he was unwilling to clarify whether this was indeed true! wishing to state that his football was now his main priority.

After a quick turnaround at half time the Mavs took control of the game when Steve Earle pounced in the box to finish off a sweeping move involving Mango and substitute Ashley Ward.  As the Darts continued to press gaps appeared, Maverick pressure drew a corner from where Brett Fairman swiveled to volley home from 10 yards out.  His celebration clarified his overwhelming joy of being on the score sheet as it took the emphasis away from his haircut which resembled something from a 1950's Japanese prisoner of war camp....

Brett Fairman pictured after the game today.

  . 

Not even dodgy hair styles could help save the embarrassment of skipper Hollywood as he had to suffer the indignity of visiting Darent Vally Hosipital with suspected Hypothermia and ice burns (see below).  During the game criminals broke into the Mavericks dressing room and stole Hollywoods clothing, Alec is seen as a clothing revolutionary and this is not the first time that he has fallen victim to cheap crimes.  In the last year alone Hollywood has been the target of 4 muggings where items of clothing have been ripped from his body.  Thankfully on every occasion the clothes have been returned as the thieves could not match up the wide ranging colors or sizes.  Hollywood has now resorted to wearing UFC branded clothing to deter his potential attackers away, TAP OUT!

Pictured below, Alec Hollywood on his way to hospital after the game....

  

Another victory, 2-0 the shoreline and the Mavericks look forward to the remaining fixtures.
Go the Mavs!

Mavericks Duo in Animal Attack!

15th December 2010

The Mavericks blog is sad to report that today (Wednesday 15/12/2010) two of the 'Allstar Mavericks Lineup' were injured in what has been described as an unprovoked attack.  Long time members of the team, Alec Hollywood and Luke Rutherford were subject to a 45 minute attack from a wild Cougar (see below) which onlookers said was almost as unnecessary as skipper Hollywoods' decision to wear his double denim, trousers and shirt combination.....

Umang Patel was powerless to stop the attack and had to watch from a distance as the relentless cougar chased down pensioner Rutherford, Patel said "it wasn't a fair fight, someone of his age should be treated with greater respect".  Patel was as innocent bystander who was only there to promote his new album which includes the hit singles 'I believe I can drive', Slice it Up, Make Mine Spicy and 'The Pizza Song' .  Fortunately the rest of Patels' band 'The delivery Men' were not subjected to the mauling as they were at a box signing at Dominos head quarters in Slough....

We pray that our Maverick Brothers make a full and speedy recovery from such a tragic incident.  Both Hollywood and Rutherford were rushed to hospital by Patel (pictured below) although they had to go via Plumstead high street as he had a 'Hot & Spicy' in the boot to drop off on the way.

Umang on the delivery run (pictured today)


Go the Mavs!

Transfer Window Update

December 2010

The Mavericks are pleased to announce the new signings for the 2011 season have been secured, it was thought that the December transfer window would close before pen could be put to paper.  However, the two long term targets are now in the bag and locked under tight security in the Mavericks hill side mansion. They are expected to ingest 57 cans of Red Bull each to catch up with their new team mates.  The names of the signings are currently unknown although pictures have been leaked to the press which may give away their identity.  It has been confirmed that one of the players has been on the shopping list of the Mavericks for a considerable length of time.

Go the Mavs!

Mavericks Beaten by the weather

30th November 2010

The match scheduled for tomorrow against the Southwark College Cougars has fallen foul of the weather.  It is rumored that the Cougars had shipped in 6 tonnes of snow to prevent the fixture going ahead.  Mavericks Director of Football Operations, James Butterfill offered to bring the hair dryer of team captain Alec Hollywood in order to melt it, reassuring the Cougars management team that it was brand new as the skipper preferred straighteners and polish when grooming his extended forehead.

Sadly the Cougars were not prepared to budge and the fixture will be re-scheduled before the Christmas break.  On a positive note it allows Joe Horlock an extra week to think of a more original excuse fore the next time that his services are requested.  It was rumored that he was unavailable as he has been slapped with a restraining order after persistently stalking Mavericks target Graham Webb.  It is unclear on the level of truth behind the story although Webb has called in Mango Patel as security to manage the unpredictable Horlock, the word is that Mango will operate as a bounty hunter, receiving a large stuffed crust and 3 toppings of his choice when he presents Horlock to GW.  Horlock has been overheard talking about claymores, stealth killings and grenade attacks in recent weeks and Webb fears he will be the next target.

This is not the kind of behavior that is expected from the Mavericks although it further emphasizes that they are unpredictable and likely to do strange things. 

Mavericks  veteran, Luke Rutherford (pictured below) speaking from his retirement home in Eastbourne said he was saddened by the news and felt that this sort of behavior was a new problem and not one that he ever saw when he played with Stanley Matthews and Burt Troutman.

Luke Rutherford speaking earlier today.
 

College is closed, check the website for reopening times.  I may see you tomorrow.

GO THE MAVS!