Mango furious at league failure

Mavericks legend "Mutated Mad Mango" has hit the gym to ensure that the Mavericks get over the League set back in a quest for cup glory. 

The ugly side of football

January 12th 2011

There are only two certainties in life, one is that we will all die and the other is that the Mavericks will only have 10 players on the day of the game!  Today was no different as the "Dream Team" met up shocked by the news that long time team member Luke Rutherford was unavailable.  Rumor had it that Rutherford had a pre arranged work commitment although suspicions were raised by the returning Joe Horlock, a man known for the odd excuse and cover up story himself in recent weeks! 

Unknown to Rutherford team mate Horlock has been tracking his every move for the last few days and arrived with evidence that there was indeed a dirty secret to be told.  The truth is that Rutherford has broken team rules and has been seen out with a female companion in the last few days, Rutherford is not the first to break the Mavs 'no girlfriend policy' this season, In October Ben Young was found in position of a large toy bear, when questioned he tried in vain to convince his team mates that it was for his own personal consumption.  It was not believable then and sadly not now either, Rutherford is now in the same position, Even if Luke wanted to plead his innocence JH has put pay to that by turning up with photographic evidence of the fallen Maverick Icon.

Luke Rutherford & Sophie caught on camera yesterday!

 

Even Mango Patel said that he was disgusted at the betrayal and would immediately be removing Rutherford from his his friends and Family discount account held at Dominoes (Plumstead branch only, available on Wednesdays).  Even long term friend Hollywood limited his Cougar searching at the Mavericks office because he felt sick at the thought, he was only seen in there 4-5 times throughout the day.....By the time the Mavericks hit the road there was obvious tension within the camp.  Hollywood was dealt a further blow when new recruit Quadzilla unleashed a pair of thighs that the skipper could only dream of! luckily he was able to put the disappointment behind him and took his place in the absent Rutherfords position.......

The 3-0 scorline saw the Mavericks score there first penalty of the year when Ben Young tucked home from 12 yards and celebrated in unusual fashion (see below)

 

His second saw him slot home home a long punt forward from Deren with a neat side foot finish. The game was wrapped up late in the second half when Mango scored his 100th goal of the season which saw him skid, wheel spin and slide the ball in to the roof of the net.

We await the rest of the results to see if the Mavericks can claim their second consecutive league title, only time will tell if Rutherford can reclaim the support of his teamates and Ben can move away from his teddy bear fetish.

Go the Mavs!

Roids, Rage and Red Bull

8th December 2010

The Mavericks hit the road in pursuit of another 3 points in their penultimate game of the season at the NESCOT Cowboys semi-derelict ground.    As preparation goes the Mav's continued with their traditional last minute scramble for players, this time in search for a goalkeeper.  Luckily enough the services of veteran gloveman Dan Cotton were called upon and as suspected he slipped into the Mavericks way of life with ease, eyebrows were raised however when he insisted on an individual warm up leaving his teammates with an untended net to smash balls at.

Thankfully DC wasn't called on during a first half which saw the Mavs race in to a 4-0 lead when Ashley Ward, Mighty Mango and skipper Hollywood (2) put the game to bed.  The main talking points were kept for the second half when professional child management expert Ben Young was called in to provide some clarity of mind when angry youngster Patel dropped his dummy and exploded in to his customary rage. 

At one point Luke Rutherford had to step in to ensure that Mango didn't get to use his pizza slicer which was concealed in his left shin pad after conceding a penalty. Three more goals in the second half from Mango and wayward striker Palmer (2) took the tally to 7 and meant that the two goals scored by the cowboys were insufficient to challenge.

Mango was pictured before and during the game which captured the ferocity of his mood change (see below)
Go the Mavs!


  

Two Goals, Serious Injury & Hyporthermia

December 2010

It was a day of firsts today as the Mavericks took on the Dartford Academy at Princes Park.  The Mavs gave a first appearance to Deren Ibrahim after his loan spell at Super Club "The Maltese Magpies" was terminated due to a Goal keeping crisis at the Estadio Da Luz. The Mavericks had been forced in previous week to play monkey rush but slippery winger Umang Patel said that he could no longer afford to damage his wrists or hands in the game as it would jeopardies his breaking and accelerating capabilities on his his new Yamaha delivery bike.  Dominoes had threatened to withdraw the financial support for the Pizza Men's  forth coming live performances if lead singer Patel was unable to perform on the sell out 'Re-Heat me in the Morning Tour' (tickets are still available at all good Dominoes restaurants)

Ibrahim was naturally delighted to finally have been picked for the Mavs after long time Captain Hollywood rubber stamped his immigration paperwork, sadly, that delight was short lived when Ibrahim blazed a penalty kick over the bar in the first half, clearing the stadium and landing in the face of a resident in Dartford.  It was only the quick witted Patel who stepped in to administer cold Pepperoni slices from the cool box located on the back of his Yamaha that saved a potentially life threatening injury from developing.

The first half only resumed when Mango took his place back on the wing and saw out a largely uneventful first half for the Mavs who, in truth, were still trying to digest the large turkey dinners consumed over the festive period.  It was suggested that skipper Hollywood had indeed been stuffing numerous large birds over Christmas although he was unwilling to clarify whether this was indeed true! wishing to state that his football was now his main priority.

After a quick turnaround at half time the Mavs took control of the game when Steve Earle pounced in the box to finish off a sweeping move involving Mango and substitute Ashley Ward.  As the Darts continued to press gaps appeared, Maverick pressure drew a corner from where Brett Fairman swiveled to volley home from 10 yards out.  His celebration clarified his overwhelming joy of being on the score sheet as it took the emphasis away from his haircut which resembled something from a 1950's Japanese prisoner of war camp....

Brett Fairman pictured after the game today.

  . 

Not even dodgy hair styles could help save the embarrassment of skipper Hollywood as he had to suffer the indignity of visiting Darent Vally Hosipital with suspected Hypothermia and ice burns (see below).  During the game criminals broke into the Mavericks dressing room and stole Hollywoods clothing, Alec is seen as a clothing revolutionary and this is not the first time that he has fallen victim to cheap crimes.  In the last year alone Hollywood has been the target of 4 muggings where items of clothing have been ripped from his body.  Thankfully on every occasion the clothes have been returned as the thieves could not match up the wide ranging colors or sizes.  Hollywood has now resorted to wearing UFC branded clothing to deter his potential attackers away, TAP OUT!

Pictured below, Alec Hollywood on his way to hospital after the game....

  

Another victory, 2-0 the shoreline and the Mavericks look forward to the remaining fixtures.
Go the Mavs!

Mavericks Duo in Animal Attack!

15th December 2010

The Mavericks blog is sad to report that today (Wednesday 15/12/2010) two of the 'Allstar Mavericks Lineup' were injured in what has been described as an unprovoked attack.  Long time members of the team, Alec Hollywood and Luke Rutherford were subject to a 45 minute attack from a wild Cougar (see below) which onlookers said was almost as unnecessary as skipper Hollywoods' decision to wear his double denim, trousers and shirt combination.....

Umang Patel was powerless to stop the attack and had to watch from a distance as the relentless cougar chased down pensioner Rutherford, Patel said "it wasn't a fair fight, someone of his age should be treated with greater respect".  Patel was as innocent bystander who was only there to promote his new album which includes the hit singles 'I believe I can drive', Slice it Up, Make Mine Spicy and 'The Pizza Song' .  Fortunately the rest of Patels' band 'The delivery Men' were not subjected to the mauling as they were at a box signing at Dominos head quarters in Slough....

We pray that our Maverick Brothers make a full and speedy recovery from such a tragic incident.  Both Hollywood and Rutherford were rushed to hospital by Patel (pictured below) although they had to go via Plumstead high street as he had a 'Hot & Spicy' in the boot to drop off on the way.

Umang on the delivery run (pictured today)


Go the Mavs!

Transfer Window Update

December 2010

The Mavericks are pleased to announce the new signings for the 2011 season have been secured, it was thought that the December transfer window would close before pen could be put to paper.  However, the two long term targets are now in the bag and locked under tight security in the Mavericks hill side mansion. They are expected to ingest 57 cans of Red Bull each to catch up with their new team mates.  The names of the signings are currently unknown although pictures have been leaked to the press which may give away their identity.  It has been confirmed that one of the players has been on the shopping list of the Mavericks for a considerable length of time.

Go the Mavs!

Mavericks Beaten by the weather

30th November 2010

The match scheduled for tomorrow against the Southwark College Cougars has fallen foul of the weather.  It is rumored that the Cougars had shipped in 6 tonnes of snow to prevent the fixture going ahead.  Mavericks Director of Football Operations, James Butterfill offered to bring the hair dryer of team captain Alec Hollywood in order to melt it, reassuring the Cougars management team that it was brand new as the skipper preferred straighteners and polish when grooming his extended forehead.

Sadly the Cougars were not prepared to budge and the fixture will be re-scheduled before the Christmas break.  On a positive note it allows Joe Horlock an extra week to think of a more original excuse fore the next time that his services are requested.  It was rumored that he was unavailable as he has been slapped with a restraining order after persistently stalking Mavericks target Graham Webb.  It is unclear on the level of truth behind the story although Webb has called in Mango Patel as security to manage the unpredictable Horlock, the word is that Mango will operate as a bounty hunter, receiving a large stuffed crust and 3 toppings of his choice when he presents Horlock to GW.  Horlock has been overheard talking about claymores, stealth killings and grenade attacks in recent weeks and Webb fears he will be the next target.

This is not the kind of behavior that is expected from the Mavericks although it further emphasizes that they are unpredictable and likely to do strange things. 

Mavericks  veteran, Luke Rutherford (pictured below) speaking from his retirement home in Eastbourne said he was saddened by the news and felt that this sort of behavior was a new problem and not one that he ever saw when he played with Stanley Matthews and Burt Troutman.

Luke Rutherford speaking earlier today.
 

College is closed, check the website for reopening times.  I may see you tomorrow.

GO THE MAVS!